Sometimes I wonder whether God has made the right choice sending me to Mozambique? Over the last week I would sum me up as…grumpy, impatient, angry, unforgiving, critical, unhappy, lazy, unhelpful, not at all peaceful – you get the picture.
This morning we went to the beach – it was awful! Windy, the sand was gross, hot, too much to carry and then to top it all off, Matilda had a ginormous, lie down in the sand, kick and scream tantrum. She can be so annoying… but if I’m perfectly honest – that’s exactly what I’ve felt like doing a fair few times lately. Hmmm, come to think of it, I probably have done that, just not in the exact same format. A few bad words have slipped out though, and the kids have copped a fair yelling at a few times, and I’ve had a few rants to Cam about a number of things.
Which makes me wonder – “Are you sure you want me God?” Going off to do cross-cultural work sounds like such a “super-spiritual” thing to do, maybe I’m just not cut for it?
Thankkfully, I know God doesn’t want my awesomeness or perfect attitude or saintly patience or undying hard-workingness… He just wants me. The grumpy poo-poo-head that I often am. I guess as long as I’m willing to follow and admit when I’m wrong and let God change me, it’s all good.
Yet another excuse we can use to not do what God wants us to… I’m not good enough.